It’s time to be your own big sister

Some moments in life completely alter your perspective. They shift something deep within you, making you see things in a way you never could before. For me, that moment was realising I had spent years surviving with the wrong energy—pushing, proving, and fighting to be strong. And when it all finally broke me, I learned the power of something entirely different: Big Sister Energy.

I grew up without any siblings, let alone a big sister. No one to warn me about life’s potholes, no one to tell me “You’ve got this” when everything fell apart. Instead, I had magazines (shout out Mizz), pop culture, and an unshakable determination to figure things out myself. And somehow, I did by navigating school, work, relationships, and the chaos of life with sheer force of will. But life doesn’t always reward toughness. Sometimes, the very thing that gets you through the hardest times is the thing that keeps you stuck in survival mode.

When BDE just doesn’t work anymore.

For years, I relied on Big Dick Energy (BDE). That unbreakable, ultra-confident, “nothing can touch me” energy that got me through a decade in business, toxic workplaces, and more heartbreaks than I’d care to count. It made me resilient. It made me successful. But here’s what no one tells you: BDE is exhausting. It’s running on adrenaline, surviving on fumes and pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Eventually, you burn out.

When my world collapsed—when I lost the life I had built, the people I trusted, and even my sense of self—I finally realised that I didn’t need to be stronger. I needed to be softer. During one of my lowest points, a therapist told me something that stopped me in my tracks: “You can’t heal in the same energy that hurt you.” Let that sink in. I had spent years fighting, proving, and pushing through pain. But healing? That required something entirely different. It required Big Sister Energy.

What exactly is big sister energy?

Big Sister Energy is soft but strong, compassionate but firm. It’s the energy of someone who’s been through it and is here to guide you without judgment. It’s the kind of energy that says:

You don’t have to prove yourself to be worthy.

You are allowed to rest without guilt.

You deserve a life that feels safe, not just one you can survive.

For me, stepping into Big Sister Energy meant walking away from toxic environments, choosing peace over chaos, learning to rest without guilt, holding space for myself instead of just pushing through and becoming the big sister I always needed for myself and others.

So, if you’ve been running on empty, stuck in survival mode, or forcing yourself to be “strong” in a way that’s breaking you, it’s time. Time to step out of Big Dick Energy and into Big Sister Energy. Because strength isn’t about how much you can endure. True strength is knowing when to soften, when to rest, and when to show up for yourself in a different way.

Listen to the full episode of 13 Reasons to Try from wherever you get your podcasts and start rewriting your script today.